《老外在中国》：在中国飞车

I am usually not one to boast, but I do believe that I have the best Flying Pigeon in all of China. True, it is a bit of a mutant Pigeon, and has been genetically modified with high-tech accoutrements. The cyborg-like updates include full replacement of all extraneous steel parts for lighter and more manageable alloys and new hand-built wheels to replace the antiquated “Dry Bearing” technology for something more modern (let's call it "Greased Bearing" technology). Finally, for the piece de résistance, a Shimano 7-speed internal shifting rear hub with pedal activated coaster brakes. Yes, brakes! I'm not sure why Chinese people believe the term "brake shoes" was meant to be taken literally as they plant their feet or jump off their bike in order to stop. It is peculiar how something that barely goes, can also barely stop. Anyway, these futuristic modifications turned what should have been named "The Skidding Elephant" into something more suited to its nomenclature. 

不是我自夸，我敢说，我拥有全中国最好的一辆飞鸽！实际上，这辆飞鸽有些变种，它经过了基因改良，我用一些高科技手段改装了它。机械化的改造包括：用更轻便更容易控制的合金替换外部的钢件，用全新的更为现代的手工制轮胎（姑且叫它“醉轴承”工艺）代替旧的“干轴承”工艺轮胎。最后，整辆车最炫的部分就是配有活性脚刹车的Shimano 7速内置山地变速拔杆！是的，就是那个刹车！我不确定中国人为了把自行车停下来时用脚刹车或是从车上跳下来的时候，是不是仅仅从字面上在理解“块闸”的含义。一些很难启动的东西同样很难停下，这听起来有些奇特。无论如何，我对车子这些未来派的改装让车子的命名应该由原来的“滑动的大象”被改成更合适的。